Before we begin, you'll need to read this previous post on my own blog so that you know that I'm an authority on the subject, and this post too.
Here are the rules for getting great climbers to climb with your measly ass, roughly in order of importance:
1. The first rule is actually to know when not to play this game. Don't get greedy - if your super-partner is outrageously way better than you, don't waste their time. Sonnie Trotter once suggested that he and I go climbing together, and I flatly refused (true story). The point of going climbing with rad climbers is to get hauled to the top of great routes, not to stamp-collect famous climbers that you've gone climbing with. You can stamp collect after, but don't make it the goal. I don't need Sonnie to get a top rope up on a 5.10. Lots of people can do that. When I top rope 5.14, I'll call Sonnie back.
2. Pick good goals. This is by far the most important rule of play. Make sure you know what kind of routes appeal to the climber in question and suggest those. If you persistently pester some badass with bizarre or trivial objectives, routes that are not in-season, climbs that are uninteresting to this particular person, things that just won't work, or other varieties of stupid goals you will quickly become 'that guy', and your chances are over. Don't go down this road. Get good ideas for routes that are in condition, appealing, and that the person hasn't already done. Be confident enough to bring an explanation for why you think this objective is good (ie, "though it seems late in the season, all the north faces are holding snow this year, and so-and-so climbed this similar route last last week and it was in good shape. Plus, because of the recent warm weather I bet the cornice will have broken off.")
3. Pick a good strategy that minimizes your weaknesses. This is almost as important as number 2. You'll know you've succeeded at number 2 when your chosen ropegun looks away, avoiding eye contact.
"Yeah," they'll say, "that does sound like a good idea...."
The reason for the lack of eye contact is that they want to take your idea and climb the route with someone else. This moment is critical. You'll need to have an explanation ready of how you fit into a sound strategy so they know that you won't detract from their good time:
"Look, the whole first half of the route is 5.8 - if it were two of me we'd have to pitch that out, but if I lead that whole section then you can simul-follow with no trouble at all. I trust you completely. Obviously I'll be slower at leading than you would be, but not that much slower, and it'll be safer for both of us since you could throw me on belay in a pinch. After that there are three pitches of real climbing. You lead those. Then we'll play the rest of the route by ear, but unless it's obviously going to be really moderate, you just lead it. I don't think you'd be much faster with anyone else."
4. Be forward, and don't pretend like the 800-lbs gorilla in the room isn't there. Go ahead and say that you're choosing them because they're a good climber. Though flattery is okay, keep it subtle. As an aside, if you're courting The Legendary Nick Elson, subtlety is unnecessary. There has never been a greater sucker for flattery. If things get a little desperate, and it looks like your super-partner is leaning away, it can be okay to plead a little "look, I can totally climb this route except for those middle pitches. I need a ropegun for that section, and I think you're just the one."
5. Swallow your pride (if you haven't already). You might think that swinging leads is a mandatory part of going climbing, but it isn't. As The Famous Colin Haley once told me "there is absolutely no reason to lead on a route if you have a stronger partner, except to satisfy your ego." Colin walks the talk, having top-roped his way to being North America's biggest star, as if those old guys doing the leading didn't even exist (examples, 1, 2, and 3.) He got famous enough doing this that if only he were European he'd be sponsored by Audi like Ueli Steck and wouldn't have to grind around the west coast in a car that constantly smells like it's on fire. Bottom line: climbing mountains is fun whether the rope is above you or below you. If you're going to insist on doing the leading, then you don't need to be out wooing ropeguns.
6. Though almost an extension of number 5, this rule tells you to never get a stronger climber to hold your rope for you while you flail. People don't want to belay a stranger on their project, and they don't want to look at their watch, wondering if they might wind up bivying on a mountain side because you wanted to share in the leading. Even if you wind up being totally successful on the route, that bitter taste will remain in their mouths. If you're fun to climb with on the first, second and third times out, then after a while (presuming that you and this person click as humans, of course) you'll be normal friends, getting invited to their barbeques and becoming facebook friends with their girlfriends. That kind of thing. Nick lived on my couch for a whole semester, and so going climbing with him became a much more balanced activity after a while, though he was still a ropegun in a pinch (noting that Nick has never in his life hosted a barbeque).
Intermission/disclaimer. This post, without really meaning to, has taken a gender specific tone. This is wholly unintentional - tons of women out there are fully qualified to be my rad ropegun, though, being honest, they're a bit less common. However, the usual gender dynamics make this game trickier, and the strategy may not be the same. Male egos are fragile, pathetic little things, so begging a woman to go climbing with you because you need her to lead the hard pitches might be something you find unpleasant (I should tell you to "grow up", but I've wrestled with this myself and know that it isn't so easy). And stroking a woman's ego is not necessarily as easy or done in the same way. My experience is also drastically less with talking badass women into going climbing with me: though the fairer sex has set oodles of top ropes for me at crags world wide, I've only been hauled up a mountain once. And this particular lady was a visitor to my area, needed a partner, and had only me. She, in fact, had to cajole me into climbing the route, which I found quite intimidating at the time. Thankfully, she got us up.
7. Help your partner feel better about a bad lead. Surprisingly, your super-partner is a flesh-and-blood human just like you. Sometimes they have off days. You might not have imagined it, but I've seen it myself, which is why I'm writing this, teaching you. If it seems like your ropegun struggled on a pitch that both of you think should have been easy, don't ignore that. I'm not suggesting that you fake a fall while cleaning the pitch, or try to win an Oscar grunting at the crux, but just say something like "whoa, nice lead, that was tough." They'll probably disagree and say something about how it wasn't "but that I just...." and trail off. Don't tolerate this. "No way," you'll say, "that was way trickier than it looked. Everything seemed like it was facing the wrong way." Practice this line "everything seemed like it was facing the wrong way". One hundred times out of one hundred, if you say this, your partner will nod and look a little relieved. There is no better way to make someone feel better about having holds everywhere but being unable to use them. And it's broad enough to almost always be useful. Similarly, even if your own difficulties on the pitch are pure fiction, when you get to the belay you can twist up your fingers, screw up your face into a horrid little grimace and pantomime some struggle to make the Greek Gods shudder with relief that it wasn't them on the sharp end. Another tactic is to empathize about bad pro, or compliment them on good pro. The word "fiddly" is limitlessly useful - some human out there, bless our flawed little hearts, has been convinced that the pro on The Incredible Hand Crack was fiddly and that they did a fine job overcoming the difficulties.
8. This final rule is perhaps so basic that it should go without saying, or be number 1 on this list. However, it is essentially the sum of all the previous rules so it has to go last: be fun to climb with. You might get someone rad to climb with you once, but that goes back to the note about stamp-collecting - you aren't stamp collecting, you're getting good climbing partners. It's critical that you do not detract from your partner's experience or they won't climb with you again, so: don't make them wait while you flail (rule 6), minimize the number of pitches they have to belay that they would have simuled, or simul pitches they would have soloed (rules 2 and, in extreme cases, 1). Be successful on the routes you attempt (rule 3 and 5) and make sure they feel good about slumming with your company (rules 4 and 7). Smile, laugh, tell jokes and laugh at theirs. Insist that they pose for photos with you on the summit and then tag the hero shots of them on Facebook. You know, be fun (rule 8).
So go grab a buddy and send that shit!
So go grab a buddy and send that shit!
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